Thankfully, there were only 3 people at the post office. I bet they're all on Philip's mail route. I like to listen to employee chit chat, especially in Canton. It's like I whip out a mental notebook and think, I'm totally gonna try that raspy, chain smoking southern accent after a few vodkas tonight. Then Mom called and she was in a good mood and had just left her post office a good hour away. We shared a laugh that we were both at the post office on Christmas Eve Eve! And I felt so good about that, I walked into Cracker Barrel for an Elvis ornament. Mom and I discussed Christmas dinner and went over how many people, how many enchiladas she should make, etc.
"Mom, I think we should factor 2 enchiladas for every person, because they are small and delicious," I stated.
"But that would mean I'd have to triple the recipe when I'm already doubling it," Mom protested.
"Yeah, well? It would suck to not have enough and worst case scenario is we'll have leftovers! Everyone loves leftovers!"
"That's too much work! Do you know how much work these are? Maybe you can make tacos, too?"
"No, I'm making jambalaya with chorizo and black beans and margaritas... I'm done."
"What's Lauren bringing?"
"A Pinata. And candy."
"Candy?! Don't we have enough sweets? Wait, a pinata?! Lauren is only bringing a pinata?!"
"Lauren can help with the enchiladas!"
"Excuse me, ma'am? We're closing in 15 minutes," the store owner at Junk Drunk Jones informed me.
"Wait, what? What time is it?" I asked.
"Oh. Are y'all open tomorrow?"
"No. Next Tuesday."
Jesus Christ, Downtown Canton! Heaven forbid y'all strive for any true growth. Ugh, why are my face, armpits and ears itchy? What is causing this? Am I allergic to Mongolian Beef from Happy China? Damn itchy armpits!
Lauren called as I entered The Chamberhouse for one last gift on my list.
"Oh MY God. Mom is so mad at me," Lauren stated.
We chatted for a while and Mom was trying to call in on the other line. I texted Nicole. She has always been our family's voice of reason.
"Everyone needs to remember what is important and be grateful that we have each other. We will have plenty no matter how many enchiladas she makes. Avery will only eat chips and cheese dip, I"ll have one enchilada- so that is a savings of 3 right there," Nicole texted.
"No, we do NOT need to feel there is not enough! Tis the season for excess and leftovers!" I countered.
"Ma'am? Just to let you know if you spend $100 worth of Vera Bradley items, you get a free crossbody bag!"
I can't stop itching. God, make it stop. Now it's moving to my scalp and nape of my neck. I don't want your damn crossbody bag. I just want some benedryl and a martini. People think I have Christmas lice. People are looking. Would've been nice had my fortune cookie given me a heads up to an allergic reaction.
I called Mom back on my drive home and at one point I almost had to pull over on the side of the road, "No, Mom, calm down, you do not need to purchase a ham..."
"But I have a $50 giftcard! I just want to get a ham!"
I felt like I was talking her away from the edge of a tall building. Don't do it Mom, don't jump!
"No! No ham! Enchiladas! Feliz Navidad!"
Nicole then texted me this and I was unaware of a full moon approaching us. I chuckled at this just as roars of thunder shook my house. Rain was heavily coming down and has been all day, so I am thankful I paid $400 for a new mailbox. A stupid new mailbox fixture that how it's positioned on the incline of my front yard, it's like reaching for mail at 6' high. I stand on my tip toes. I bet it's really pissing off Philip, too. He probably has to hoist himself out of the seat some. Muahahahaha. Philip.